Natalie Tootie

There are a lot of things I learned from bodybuilding, and not the least important is that spoons are the best eating utensil. Not those wimpy tea spoons, I’m talking about soup spoons! Think about it, unless you need to use a knife, a fork is totally useless. And why are you wasting time with a knife?

Yes, if you’re at a restaurant, it’s different, then its about the experience of eating and blah, blah, blah. Cutting gives you time to blab. But if you’re a bodybuilder, or even just a regular human, food should happen easily and quickly. This is why we’re all fat, we make such a big deal out of food. All my meat is cut pre-cooking. Then I cook, plate, grab a soup spoon and shovel it in.

First, it’s not hard to eat rice with a spoon. Of all the people who needed spoons, what were the Chinese thinking? With a spoon you get sauce with every bite. And salad! What a joke! Salad is a pain to eat with a fork. People totally eat salad wrong. Chop that salad up and eat it with a spoon. You even need less dressing that way. Why are you sitting there letting lettuce leaves smear salad dressing all over your face? Are you retarded? And don’t even talk to me about eating your salad with a knife and fork. Oh my god.

All meals need to be spoon ready, and they need to be eaten with a spoon. End of story. I know you think you’re all quaint and vintage hip with your fork and knife. But stop it! I said stop it! You’re making an ass of yourself and embarrassing all of us.

Regrettably, some foods are not easily spoonable. Pancakes are one of those foods. However, pancakes should be picked up, rolled, dipped in syrup, and eaten by hand. Don’t tell me you’re too scared to pick up your pancakes! And be honest with me, wouldn’t it just be easier to pick that steak up and take bites out of it?

We’re living in a world filled with people who are too afraid to pick up a steak or even a simple pancake with their hands. Sometimes I just don’t know where this world is coming from. I honestly don’t.

But seriously, next time you think you need a fork, think about whether a spoon would work better. You won’t be disappointed.